Sustaining any relationship is one of the most tasking responsibility most of us have experienced. Some people have had successes with managing some of their relationships while some others have failed to do so. From my observations, I have discovered that another leading cause of break ups (aside money, sex and infidelity) in relationships is the inability to forgive and receive forgiveness.
Forgiveness is letting go of an offence completely without keeping record of it. This takes strength and courage to achieve. We sometimes claim to have forgiven but end up reminding the offender of his or her past offence(s). Forgiveness is not saying “I have heard ” without stating if you have really let go of the offence, it is not stuffing offences down because you are afraid to say how you feel, it is not turning a blind eye to behavioural patterns that hurt you because you think or feel that your feelings are not important. We must understand that forgiveness can’t be given from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem. You need to know and understand what you are doing. Forgiving someone does not automatically mean that you forget what they have done to you but it means that every time you remember that offence, you also remind yourself that you have forgiven and shouldn’t hold on to it. Sometimes, we have to forgive people without them asking for us to have peace and be happy.
When we are the offender, it is very important for us not to be too proud to ask for forgiveness. Being proud in a relationship will kill it faster than you know. Also when you ask for forgiveness, it is important not to take the person’s forgiveness for granted. Never be careless about how you treat your partner and depend on “I’m sorry” to fix it. If you are told your wrong doings, take responsibility for them and apologize. Being defensive or blaming your partner won’t make your relationship any better.
HOW DO WE RECEIVE FORGIVENESS
- Proper communication is vital. Listen and speak your mind respectfully. Sometimes the two of you can be wrong and need to give and receive forgiveness.
- Be truly sorry and say it. If you need some time to think things through, say so but do not take too long. It is wise to always say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Thank your partner for forgiving you.
- Make efforts to change so that you don’t continuously hurt your partner.
Nothing good comes easy, if you want a lasting relationship, be ready for inconveniences.